I can't keep drowning for you [18 Jun 2010|02:59pm] (c) Deviantart You were it, my first love, I think the closest I’ve ever come. We weren’t perfect for each other, we were exact opposites, and we fought constantly. But you made me so insanely happy, and vice versa. I know I did, from your smile down to your demands for hugs in the morning. We didn’t last long. I got too close and you took off, taking my heart with you. I spent months trying to recover, trying desperately to recover. At first, falling in love with you, it felt like I was drowning, but the water was warm so it almost felt luxurious, enjoyable, like moving through warm honey. But then, you left, and it was like the water turned to ice and lungs started to jam up and I couldn't breathe. I was struggling, kicking, failing to get to the top, because my heart felt dead. My limbs felt frozen in place, and I have no clue how I reached the surface. But I did, and the first breath I took was so painful, and the second, and the third. Eventually, I could hold myself up but I was still shivering for a while, even after I dragged myself out of that water. I spent 6 months, trying desperately to pull myself up, I was frozen all over. Though you’re on the other side of the world,  recently you keep coming back, keep torturing me, keep winding me up. Making me relive this drowning process constantly, you dip me back into the warmth with your promises of how you miss me, that you regret hurting me, and leaving me alone here. I realise I can’t pretend that I mean anything to you anymore, I mean, it’s been too long, it’s 5 years now. You’re back soon and I can’t see you because I’ll be back to square one. You can’t keep screwing me with, "It's killing you?" What do you think it has been doing to me? You can't keep doing this to me, you can't keep expecting me to bounce back from every single time you screw with my head. Yes you left me alone. I got up, but I'm still lonely. And once you're done with this, you're going to leave me alone all over again. And I'm going to have to sit and pick up the pieces, though I don't even know if I have the energy to do it this time. I can’t keep drowning for you. post comment

[18 Jun 2010|02:41pm] Hey there, I'm back post comment

Someday perhaps i'd be back [11 Oct 2009|04:07pm] but for now, laughingupastorm.tumblr.com post comment

WOW WEE [11 Sep 2009|07:10pm] 10 gp articles, tut 18, rxn kinetics, (i have no idea what im supposed to for econs) WELCOME TO MY LIFE. 3 comments|post comment

We were always meant to say goodbye [23 Aug 2009|05:32pm] [ mood | cold ] Met Melody instead of Charm yesterday, but went for vibe still. I WANT TO WATCH MOVIES. I SHALL MAKE A LIST. Orphan Final Destination 3D (500) Days of Summer The Proposal Ugly Truth Personal Effects Coco Before Chanel That's enough to make me broke. I'm already broke :( post comment

Killing for peace is like fucking for virginity [22 Aug 2009|11:45am] [ mood | energetic ] If I keep up with this I'm gonna clear allllllll my homework and hand them up on time ^^ Life's been al-riiiight...save for the last minute rushing for pw. Group is dysfunctional much. Haven't even had a proper meeting except during pw lessons. I finally am at peace HAHAHAH and I know what I want and what really matters to me now. YAY AM MEETING CHARM LATER FOR VIBE. I hate econs still. All because of the econs witch/bitch. Kills econs. BYEBYEBYEBYEBYEBYEBYE IM ONE HAPPY KID NOW post comment

Everbody's changing and I don't feel the same [13 Aug 2009|10:38pm] [ mood | ditzy ] 1. Before you can grow up, you must fall in love 3 times. Once you must fall in love with your best friend, ruining your friendship forever. This will teach you who your true friends are, and the fine line between friendship and more. Once you must fall in love with someone you believe to be perfect. You will learn that no one is perfect, and that you should never be treated as any less than you deserve. And once you must fall in love with someone that is exactly like you. This will teach you about who you are, and who you want to be. And when you’re through with all that, you learn that the people who care about you the most are the ones that you hurt, and the ones that hurt you are the ones that you needed the most. But most of all, you learn that love is only a concept and is not something that can be defined, it is different to each person that experiences it. And you will learn to respect each and every person on this earth, knowing that everyone only wants to be loved. 2. I'm jealous of her. I'm envious of her. Whether or not it may be a fling or a year-long relationship. Or she means everything to you now. It is because you've spent considerable effort on her. You've held another with spoken words of endearment. And love. Similar, To mine. She has a piece of you to herself. How you laughed, what you said, the way you styled your hair. Stuff that I'll never know, nor have to myself. Sometimes I wished I knew you when we were little. Then we wouldn't miss out much on each other. How you were. Are. And to be. 3. There is only your life, how you mess it up, and who is there to save you. Or who isn't. 4. When someone is in your heart, they are never truly gone. They can come back to you, even at unlikely times. 5. I'll leave it up to you to wonder if it's all of these are fact or fiction. I passed physics, like finally. It's a B....sadly. I'd enjoy school if its running on a slower pace, so that I can take a breather and catch up on everything. Like tutorials. Like life. Like everything. I wonder if bumming around has already permanently set into my life, hahah, cuz I wasted close to an hour today sitting at some secluded corner of BV mrt, drinking bubble tea. And just oh well, bumming around with Jackson and Kenneth. And wasting breaks doing nothing........you get my drift. Its 11:41, the com is bloody distracting. I should start reading up some MI teehee. I swear I'm so much happier right now compared to like a couple of months ago? Though I still have occasional bolts of emo-ness. Here's to serendipity, to love, to craziness, to beginnings, to things worth fighting for, to living life to the fullest and to the moments that we didn't know what we were doing but loved every minute of it. XX post comment

Yet you choose to be on the side of me [07 Aug 2009|11:51pm] [ mood | optimistic ] I'm not the easiest person to love I'm often the one who lets things go unresolved But you, you've opened your heart to show me what I'm worth I remember when nobody cared, but you. 2 comments|post comment

[29 Jul 2009|01:23am] FUCK YOU someday you will know how i feel post comment

[20 Jul 2009|08:39pm] I need some hope. post comment

pleasepleaseplease [20 Jul 2009|01:34am] club med in dec get a tattoo aussie road trip havoc with mx get drunk and wasted all these xcept the first one after a's. my life will be perfect. post comment

Burnt [18 Jul 2009|01:03am] Will you cry for me if I died? Will you wished you had told me something that you haven't/couldn't? Will you miss me? post comment

Nothing changes? [15 Jul 2009|11:42pm] [ mood | giddy ] If you just walked away, what could I really say? Would it matter anyway? Would it change how you feel? I've missed you dearly. Dreams are always crushing when they don't come true. But it's the simple dreams that are often the most painful because they seem so personal, so reasonable, so attainable. You're always close enough to touch, but never quite close enough to hold and it's enough to break your heart. You've just missed out a month plus of my life, as with what I've missed out on yours. The hardest thing ever is taking chances. Because you can only take so much pain. And you can only get hurt so many times before you create a bubble around yourself to avoid any more scars. And then you end up never really living at all. So we deal with pain. We take chances and we take risks, because either way we’re going to lose, and it’s going to hurt. I didn't take my chances. So something happened. Are we taking chances now to becoming friends again? There are winds of destiny that blow when we least expect them. Sometimes they gust with the fury of a hurricane, sometimes they barely fan one’s cheek. But the winds cannot be denied, bringing as they often do a future that is impossible to ignore. And now, we are just overwriting the matter by talking again, right? The reason it hurts so much to separate is because our souls are connected. Should we try to mend the fault lines? It's possible to go on, no matter how impossible it seems, and that in time, the grief . . . lessens. It may not go away completely, but after a while it's not so overwhelming. Or should we just forget...? So if you just walked away, what could I really say? It wouldn't matter anyway. It wouldn't change how you feel. post comment

The one who saw me through 17 years of living [15 Jul 2009|11:14pm] Where'd you go? I miss you so. Seems like its been forever that you've been gone. Rest In Peace, Grandma. post comment

The one that kept me alive and breathing all these time [15 Jul 2009|10:31pm] "I think we should stop seeing each other for awhile." "I think so too." Thank you and I'm sorry. (Yes, its my fault) & I love you too. post comment

Right now [03 Jul 2009|02:38am] [ mood | blah ] I wonder if it is just super-strong intuition, or fortune teller skills, or maybe sathi was such a good teacher that my inference is like damn skill now. I am 99.9% sure, no wait, I am 100% sure. I should totally quit school to be a fortune teller. I don't know why all these are affecting me. Terms are over, time to enjoy, brace myself for results and mug hard. No time/no space/no brainpower for ridiculous things like this. I am damn grossed out. You are one mother bitch and a sickass (quoted from besty). But at the end of the day, when all the anger and impulsiveness die down, the walls of hostility collapse, therein lies only anguish and heartache. Now, where's my prozac? post comment

Principle of Floatation [27 Jun 2009|01:10am] [ mood | awake ] (I must be mad) "I know you're drowning, but you shouldn't use (inserts name/object) as a float." I realised nothing ever makes me happy when I'm down. Not even friends. & I realised you prolly won't care either. While I'm busy chasing history, thinking I can go back to the past (told you I was mad); you are already getting on with life, mugging I think. Sometimes it's not a case of moving on, but getting used to it. Love, heartbreaks, moving on are just terms which are overrated & overused. Maybe I'm just bitter. Or rather, I just want an answer. I think Jo is right. I'm way past the "oh i'm so depressed" phase, I'm plain annoyed & pissed. Treating me with such indifference pisses me. I want to know why. Will you tell me why? On the flipside, terms are totally whopping my ass. I've barely covered 10% of what I'm tested. How screw. I'm already looking forward to the end of terms (who doesn't?). - qishan's bday - late night movie with jo - date with dora - buffet/shopping with diana & jo - movie with qianning - MEETUP WITH SHARLYN & MX - beach date with sylvia - slack with may & holy man - crash nh with greg, sarah & non-nh ac gang - og outing? - group3 outing? It feels as if terms are already over. Aye. I should get back to my notes. post comment

Fizzle x Sizzle [23 Jun 2009|11:09am] [ mood | stressed ] "Summer romances end for all kinds of reasons. But when all is said and done, they have one thing in common: They are shooting stars - a spectacular moment of light in the heavens, a fleeting glimpse of eternity. And in a flash, they're gone." OMGOSH NO HOLIDAY EXTENSION. BYE BYE TO GOOD RESULTS FOR TERMS. post comment

Today, you... [22 Jun 2009|04:28pm] I can't afford to start a new page, let alone a new chapter. post comment

I'd take you in a heartbeat [18 Jun 2009|12:58am] Because sometimes it’s easier to say, “I hate you,” than “I miss you, I wish we didn’t fight; I wish you would call me sometimes.” Because sometimes, it’s easier to think, screw life, screw work, screw everything, than admit that you’re overwhelmed and feel like you’re drowning. Because sometimes, it’s easier to admit the simple things than say the hard things and realize how much you’ve been struggling and how much you feel as if life has gone out of your control. Supper anyone? It's over. post comment

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